Some years ago in the mostly rural county we lived in, my mother entered a cake she'd baked into the county fair. Keep in mind that this was a somewhat rural area where cooking was common and where just about everyone had grown up cooking since youth. The culture was still very much that of cooking from scratch. This meant that competition was always tough. Well she baked the cake (no frosting or toppings) and carried it in. Once the fair opened my family all eagerly made our way straight to the cake section. There were many cakes on display, the competition was quite stiff to say the least. Each one had a half to one inch slice taken out for the judges to taste and examine. As we walked past the section we finally found my mother's cake. It was down at the end. Fully one quarter of the cake was gone. Next to it sat a 1st Place ribbon, a Grand Prize ribbon and a 2 foot trophy for best in show. We still talk about how the judges probably argued as to whether they should leave at least some of the cake for others to see, but we'd have been just as happy to see an empty plate with the ribbons.
Wow were we proud and happy for my mother, mostly that we were so lucky to have a mother who could cook so well as we knew we always ate well. However, most proud was my father. Over the years he made sure that trophy was prominently displayed in our home where all could easily see it as they entered. He made no qualms in talking about it. You'd have thought it was his trophy. Problem is, in his mind it was his trophy. You see it wasn't so much the trophy itself but what it represented to him. It represented his "trophy wife." He viewed my mother as well as any and all accomplishments of hers as his.
How many marry and then look upon their spouse as property? Granted this seems to happen more with women than men, but in today's world where more women are out in the workforce it seems to be picking up some with them as well. Perhaps in ages past the women just did it a little differently in looking at the paycheck of their husband. Either way whether it be a "trophy wife" a "trophy husband" or even a "trophy child" living through others or taking their accomplishments for yourself is really a lack of character and belittles yourself. No honest person of character and integrity would ever want to do it.
Many historians and particularly amongst feminist groups they talk of how in ages past or in other cultures women were often considered not much more than property. I have spent time in couple of these countries. It's sad to see. But this fact does not absolve people today in our "civilized" nation or culture who do virtually the same thing.
A true spouse always edifies their spouse. They are proud and happy for their spouse in all their accomplishments and achievements. They never take those accomplishments or achievements for themselves. It can at times appear to be fine line between edifying and assuming the achievements of others. An honest examination of your heart and an honest discussion with your spouse can show the difference, unless you are in denial.
